The Pursuit of Peace | Ubud Awakening
2022- a year of two contrasts, and it kicked off just as 2021 did! Once again, escaping Shanghai Winter and partying on a beach in Sanya with my dearest friends. Celebrating together on making it through another year of being stuck in China, thinking that the worst had passed.
That is, until the lockdowns began and life in Shanghai became somewhat of a sci-fi movie experience. What a time to be alive and halfway sane, living in a twisted reality of what our beloved Shanghai had become. I won’t attempt to explain because if you weren’t there you would not understand. Nevertheless, we made it through and had a lot to be grateful for, even throughout those unimaginable months.
I escaped that reality by the end of June and began my China exodus! With "lockdown life" behind me, I was excited and relieved to be rejoining the 'real' world. Since then, I have been "free" and have spent the rest of this year unraveling my brain in attempt to normalize "freedom" again.
I kicked off this Summer on a "revenge travel" rampage, visiting cities in Europe, my home country Trinidad, and New York. It especially felt heartwarming to reconnect with friends and family, many of whom I had not seen in 4 years, and of course feast on as many Trinidadian dishes as possible. It felt especially great to spend time in Trinidad, meeting my many wonderful BagLady Basics customers, many for the first time.
By September, I began to get a bit tired of hopping around from one place to the other and decided to settle for some time in New York with my family. Then reality began to set in. I had left a place I had called home for seven years and chaotic as it was, it was home, with my life and friends who had become family, my routines, favorite places, my business, and now what? I also knew people that had left Shanghai that had the same feeling, and we knew that we had to stay positive and patient and eventually focus on creating a new life, while also giving ourselves grace.
Since leaving Shanghai, I had planned to first relax, and enjoy my “freedom”, then do some necessary mental house cleaning before I embarked on this “new” life. So, in bag lady style I packed and repacked my bags (once again) and headed off to Bali to continue “Mission Unravel My Brain”.
I arrived in Ubud with the intention of emptying myself. Whatever that had meant at the time, I couldn’t particularly explain, but that was the intention that came from my heart. As if there were feelings that I literally needed to shake out of me. Feelings like anxiety, disappointments, hurt, and the biggest one of all fear. Yes, I’ve recently realized that although I have been enjoying many parts of my life, I have been somehow living parts of it in a state of fear, all while masking it with bravery. This has in turn translated itself into anxiety. I had had a yearning to start 2023 with a clean page and sought to reclaim my inner peace and joy while in Ubud.
Earlier this month, I had shown up to Ubud with an open heart and no expectations and what has felt like out of nowhere, a momentous healing process has begun to take place. I’ve been Bali for one month now and over this time I have opened my heart to significant awakening. One practice, “Active Conscious Meditation” has absolutely captured me from day one and what I experienced was transformational, cathartic and literally core shaking. Within this time, I have been able begin purging myself from things like suppressed emotions. Emotions that have been manifesting itself in different ways like fear and anxiety. This has been a very humbling experience and one that has given way for me to open up and be the most vulnerable I have ever been and amongst total strangers at that!
My big and much needed mental renovation has begun, and just like remodeling a house, parts of the process are not so cute or sexy. But it needs to be done to get to the good part- the beauty of it all.
If you had asked me at the beginning of this month what my last blog post of 2022 would be like, I would not have said this. And that is the beauty of life, it is full of great surprises, and the more we look forward to them and speak them into existence, the more they will come. I am entering 2023 with genuine courage to embark on my next phase of life, and I am ready to take it to another level- all while continuing my healing journey.
I will continue to rediscover myself and my spirituality. I will continue to show myself grace throughout this process of relearning and transformation. I will continue to show up. Even when it feels impossible to do so, I will take it step by step, because sometimes showing up is all I need to do. I will continue to learn to embrace difficulties with peace and positivity while giving myself grace to go through the process. I will continue to rid my being of negativity and remake room for a more hopeful, enlightened self. I will continue to strive to live in my truest truth and bravely so. I will continue to acknowledge that sometimes strength comes from releasing. I will continue to generate the powerhouse of energy within me through meditation. I will continue to use this energy to manifest my heart’s dreams and desires. Life happens and will keep happening, and I will continue to recognize the power within me to triumph over it all and live in bliss and purpose.
Hello 2023! This year I will be vibrating on another level, filled with renewed peace, joy, and fulfillment. I hope we all find an awakening that transforms us into our best ever-evolving selves as we continue traveling along this learning curve called life.
All the best for 2023 and stay tuned what this year has in store for me! Who knows, it may surprise us both!
Happy New Year,
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